Black vs. White

The difference between Black people problems and White people problems, is Black families have problems White people like to see on TV and White families have problems they need to shove in closets.

Sad

Today is hard. I woke up happy and tried not to let anything drag me down, and here we are at 12:24 and I want to die. Listening to Lauryn Hill, at least, feeds my soul in a way. Even my writing is lame today. Everyone sounds so fucking cynical.

And to be honest, I'm high as FUCK and I'm still glum. I'm just that tired, humdrum high. Like I'm by myself staring at a wall thinking of terrible things that have happened in my life.

I thought it might work to read something happy, so I googled "website for sad days" and seriously there is no archive of stuff someone would want to look at/read/listen to on a sad day. I think I might need to make that, on some real shit.

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these; 'It might have been.'"

Fall

So I can definitely admit to not being the best blogger out there--heck I'm not the best anything out there, really! I'm just me, working along and living and doing what I can. That's all I can do, I think.

At any rate, here's the catch-up. If you want to skip the rant and get to the musings, feel free. The rant gets a little cynical and pathetic, but I don't have the time to waist creating non-offensive prose.

My summer receptionist job finally ended (boo-hoo). I'm so relieved it's over. My boss was becoming a total asshole, and the work was so boring and slow. What's kind of funny is that even though they chose Carmen to stay through the winter over me, Carmen's quitting now. I think the thought of staying in those quiet offices alone all winter trying to desperately get someone in the building for an interview scared her. It might have scared me too.

On too the good info, though, MY NEW JOB! I was very fortunate that (on an appointment with one of my mom's old friends who owns a school) I was offered a job as a Montessori Preschool English Teacher! I don't think a while ago that would have been my dream job, but she was insanely nice about it. She's paying me WAY more than I deserve (considering I have no qualifications) and as I was making minimum wage before, it was an offer I couldn't refuse. As soon as my fingerprints clear, I'll be able to start work, and I am very excited. I was really lucky to get that job.

As for the other fronts in life, there's nothing much going on. Cleaning up this pig-sty I call a home, slowly but surely. There's just so little space for everything!

I also deleted my Facebook. There were a lot of reasons involving that, I think. Mostly I just didn't want that to be me anymore. I am going to go ahead and say that there are very few people that I like that are my friends there. Everyone else just went to WRA with me. When I get on again I think I will just delete them as my friends, but for now I will just be satisfied that I don't have to look at their faces and hear their stupid problems and how much they supposedly miss me when they probably just saw me comment on something somewhere.

I don't want to be a total bitch, but let's be real here. If it came down to it and I actually needed something, not one of those girls would come to my aid. I know this because not one girl I went to West Ridge with has ever followed through with anything. Except for Lexi B. finding a place for Teran to stay that one spring break. Whenever we remember all the bullshit she pulled, we remember that and smile. That's the Lexi I remember when I think it would be fun to have a friend. I try to forget the lies.

At any rate ON TO THE MUSINGS!

I thought of the BEST idea today. You know how when you look up images (anywhere: google, photobucket, etc) of teenage love, all these adorable couples pop up? Girls with pale skin and long black/brown/blonde hair with a boy who has a Beiber-cut and maybe a 6pack or a hoodie on? And they are in a meadow, and there's a sunset, and it reminds you of that magical time that made your heart ache (or I still feel that way about Teran, maybe that's the magic of love: it reminds you of being a teenager).

At any rate, my thought was this: Why are there never adorable black couples on broken fences, climbing trees, and holding hands in the forest? Where's our representation? Where are all the Hispanic couples? I mean, white girls and Asians are cute--I get it! Just like women are always into a black man, men are often swayed by a little Asian throwing up peace signs or a petite blonde. That's fine.

I'm just saying: It would be good if there were more cute Photoshopped portraits of young black love. I see it every day and it's beautiful! Even black couples who are older than us are underrepresented, but I don't know. I think that would be a fun photo shoot, but alas I know of no photographer that could go out and take an autumn shot for a few hours sometime, maybe up at Edgewood. It's a 10 minute hike for a gorgeous location. 

It's just lame that if you type "young love" emo's pop up and if you type in "young black love" Lil Bow Bow and his latest love interest pop up. Unbelievable.

Also, this is because I want pics of Teran and I while we're young--we've got it now, why not remember it? Our kids will want to see it, I'm sure. Or at least I'll want to show them ;)

I will probably be blogging more often with the lack of Facebook. Facebook isn't going back on again anytime soon. Oh well.

XOXOlizz

"The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage."--Thucydides

P.S. I just started hearting things on weheartit.com. SUCH a cute site, and I would have invited people to it if I still had a Facebook!

P.P.S. Here's some cute ones... I even found a black couple! Don't like her hair, but it's love! :)

Becoming vs. Being

 To become is to be American, or so Einstein said. He said it as though it were a bad thing, saying (and I quote) that, "The American lives even more for his goals, for the future, than the European. Life for him is always about becoming, never being." Whereas a month ago I would have snorted at this quote (despite it being the great Einstein and all), I am starting to believe it.

I suppose I have been simply considering what has occurred in the last year of my life.  I became someone new. Someone f r e s h. Someone that I enjoy knowing. It's crazy to think that I was that girl not too long ago that hated everything about herself and where she was headed. Now I am chill. I relax. When I want or need change I do something about it. I strive to push myself most of the time. And I definitely make sure I strive only for what I am inspired by. I keep the non-inspiration out of my life. I don't PANIC and I don't feel crazy anymore either. Teran's like an anchor, and I sometimes daydream horror-filled thoughts of where I would be without him. In all honesty, I'm starting to think that I don't need anyone but him. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in being number one in his world that I forget I'm not number one in anyone else's...

I've been learning about the ego, lately, too. There's a book that some of us have been passing around. It's called A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckheart Tolle. It's pretty intriguing. How our ego's control our lives is mind boggling--from the things we convince ourselves are OK, to the way we allow ourselves to go. We let our ego do anything--puff ourselves up to be better than someone, or relish in the torture of agony selfishly. It's all the same thing. All the same. A person who begs for attention is no worse than he who hides in a corner with his pain, hating life in secrecy. 

One subject I often think about is Lexi. Not that I'll ever, ever be friends with her again, and not that I feel sorry for ending my friendship with her at all. It's just I remember that she and I started out the summer of last year with similar hopes and dreams and fears. And at first it seemed like she was (I don't know how to word this), doing better than me at life. I must have been viewing it as a competition, but this only began after I thought I'd lost. Well, long story short is she tried to take shortcuts, and while that works short-term it doesn't often work long-term. And that's what's sad. We all just want the same things. I wish her the best of luck, but I'm glad that I took my path. My relationship with Teran is still great....

I'm not so sure about other relationships, but then I'm not sure I care anymore. No one else seems to feel like investing much time in me. I need to make friends here in California, that's for damn sure.

I'm turning 20 this upcoming Sunday on the 24th. I'm so not excited. I hope everyone forgets. I don't think I'm getting old, I just don't want to hear the obligatory "Happy Birthday" because someone saw an update on Facebook. Besides, I work that day. And 20 is useless anyway.

I think I might miss being a teen...I will tell when I reach there.

OverAndOut,

elizabeth

“I've always thought respectable people scoundrels, and I look anxiously at my face every morning for signs of my becoming a scoundrel.”

Here It Is

It's been a while and here it is, June. I find myself antsy. Wilded out. Some things amuse me but most things disgust me. I need change and I can't find it. Kara jokes that she's a transformer but I really am one.

Teran and I had our commitment ceremony and it was wonderful. Exactly what I needed. Now my mind is spinning though. It doesn't want what I have--it rejects most of it. I am feeling the irrevocable need to delete my Facebook. Concentrate. Be alone.

Maybe I will feel different in the morning. But I hope not.

Present Facts

Wow, I wrote this like last week and didn't publish it. That's awkward...

Okay, so one of my new years resolutions is to figure out what makes me me, and then just roll with it. Whatever I like to do, whenever I like to do it, that sort of thing. I am young enough for that sort of nonsense.

First and foremost what one must know is that I'm addicted to musicals. I wish I could say I have seen them all, but unfortunately there are still so many more to witness! I am usually not picky, and will watch most anything, but I love the greats. I cannot, however, stand Doris Day. This is not something new, though. I have always been attracted to romance and glamour (yes, I like to spell glamour with a "u"...I think it looks more glamorous). My favorite Old Hollywood actress, however, doesn't come from musicals. In fact, she cannot sing at all. Elizabeth Taylor has been one of my favorites since I first saw her in Jane Eyre as a small girl, and to this day I am completley convinced that she is the best of that time, even if she is ranked 6 out of 20 or so (right after Ms. Monroe, can you believe it?) Along with this addiction comes a love for wiggle dresses, pin up girl make-up and 60s and broadway music. I love to read. My favorite book has been Jane Eyre since I was a small girl, though there are many others that rank closely to it. I have read it almost fifty times from cover to cover, and this doesn't include times when I crack it open for just one scene. Currently, unfortunately, I have no "style", as I can't afford one. If I were to name my style now, it would be "Bum" or "Thrown Together". I look pretty bad and can't afford to even get a little something to fix it up. I have a newfound love for video games, but I still miss books. I hate it when people go back on promises. I have no favorite TV show, because TV sucks. I think staying too mad for too long means taking a few steps back. I think it's silly when girls try to completely copy someone else. I believe in taking the time to figure stuff out yourself. Becoming inspired, however, is another thing. I believe that I'm young, energetic, and free, and therefore should do wild things while I can. This equates a need to travel all over the world. I sometimes fear I am boring. I love to dream. I am a big believer in smoking weed. I am not a believer in taking man-made drugs and drinking a lot. My family worries about me, but I worry about them way more. I love movies like The Princess Bride, A Knights Tale, and Ever After, but also loved Dirty Dancing as well. I know in my heart something is going to happen in 2012 that will signify the end of the world as we know it. I do not believe that is going to be a tsunami/earthquake/hurricane. I know in my heart everything happens for a reason. I am just learning how to apply makeup and what looks good, and I love the stuff! I tell stupid people they are stupid. I hate when I am held back by my skin color. I love Teran Henderson. I love when I'm told I'm beautiful. I love waking up to kisses. I want a pet dog. I think the companionship would be lovely. I will put bows on her to make her elegant. My favorite quotes are from Marilyn Monroe. I love my life...

Ah, Dalmatians. I love them, but Teran refuses to allow it because they go deaf and he says that makes them useless. He didn't say no to a dog, though.

Old-school glamour at its finest. Love.

If I had my way, my whole closet would be wiggle dresses. 50s were hot, and so was the sailor look.

Favorite book of all time!!! So wish I could take a friend to go see it with me when the new one comes out this year...

Two words: Sex Goddess aka Goddess of the Female Sex. Love her. She's gorgeous and survived MGM. Beat that.

 When you feel that nobody loves you,

Nobody cares for you,

Everyone is ignoring you,

and people are jealous of you,

You should really ask yourself,

am I too sexy?

Elizabeth 

Lolita Wedding Dress

So I couldn't wait (and Jasmine seemed a little interested) in a little something something I like to call Elizabeth's Fantastic Journey To Her Dress Decision. It's been a long one this journey. If only I had been able to afford that original Enzoani I desired! This all would have been so simple! I would never have been desperately searching two days ago on milanoo.com and therefore would never have stumbled upon a weird tute-like dress! This dress, after I decided I loved it, I decided I hated and explored further on the website. I thus embarked on an odd little journey through the Wonderland of Lolita Fashion. Was I impressed? Yes. (If you are confused on what Lolita is, refer to my last rambling entry. If you know what it is, isn't that awesome?)

Quickly I concluded that this was absolutely the only way to dress. I thought about everything--what one would wear in the winter or the spring or the summer. What colors. The prices of the dresses though felt outrageous! And I was on the cheapest website! I couldn't understand how some girls had entire wardrobes of this stuff! I then understood that in my currant situation there I would only ever be able to buy one of these dresses. And there was only one situation in which I was going to be needing one dress.

Yes. My wedding. I decided to wear something poofy and friendly on my wedding day. So far I've been  buying a more sleek look, however now I am moving on from that and have decided that being cute or beautiful could be better. I really do like poof and lace, and  I would love to wear it. So, without further ado, here's some pictures concerning the whole affair...

I love how her hair is wild. I just like this pic . Carry on.

Well, she isn't properly lolita, but she's edgy :)

Here's what I'm looking for! But not in pink...

First: The bottom...a high waisted skirt! I think it's kind of romantic...

The top...I like that only the ruffles will be showing.

Ok, probably not...the petticoat is enough. I'll wear something sexy.

Again, probably not. I'll most likely find some white lace tights. Or gray or something.

Okay, maybe I really want one :) "Something blue"

Not a fan of Rhianna's AT ALL, nor the red hair, but LOVE the style. Would go for.

Nails :)

And not to be forgotten, the shoe!!! Ugh, love it :)

"The only rule is don't be boring. Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in."

Elizabeth

Lolita Fashion

WARNING: This is a very long, rambling entry because I have the day off, AND I am very interested in this subject. It is pretty amazing, really. SO, if you have no time or get bored easily, perhaps you should move on.

Honestly? It's amazing the new things you learn every day. Yesterday, for example, I learned about a fashion trend that's been around for a while. And before it is thought--YES I knew about Harajuku girls. No one could have missed Gwen Stefani's shove of the culture into our faces. And (you guessed it) Gwen Stefani's Harajuku girl's are not an accurate representation of what this is. Lolita girls, from what I understand, are different. I will show you a picture so you can see.

Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Girls:

As you can see, these girls where just what you remember them wearing. Pretty much nothing, with short skirts and cleavage. Pretty. Okay, whatever. Not something I'm into, really. I mean, short skirts are fun, but there's only so much power sexuality has. These girls are kind of throwing away their own femininity. Which isn't sexy at all, unfortunately. Gwen is too pretty to show her ass to everyone, no matter how tempting it is, sometimes. No offense to her girls or anything but that's not really what its about, so I've learned...




Lifestyle Lolitas:

Gosh. I love it. LOOK at her. This is one of many styles (I'd probably guess she is a Sweet Lolita), but here's what I think:
1) They wear frills, lace, poofs, petticoats, and bloomers. PERFECT!
2) When someone is a Lifestyle Lolita, she remains composed, sweet, kind, proper, and with a high amount of ettiquette that she does NOT because anyone asks her to, but because that's the kind of woman she wants to be.
3) She is modest and still insanely cute and beautiful! Skirts always go to the knees, shoulders are always covered by at least a blouse.
4) In an effort to maintain a lady-like structure, they don't cuss either (it would be difficult, but I bet I could do it).
5) They carry things like stuffed bears and parasols, as well as have insanely big bows and headresses.
6) They love curls!
7) There are lots of different options so you can always find one you love! Gothic, Sweet, Classic, and Punk are the four main styles, but there are many other themes named stuff like Wa, Qi, Oji, Princess, Gore, Sailor, Shiro, Black, Classic, Casual. Those are just same main ones as well! I've seen Fairy and Country ones too :) So many choices, all very beautiful. I like Classic and Sweet the best, but sailor is way cute.

Now, I hear that the Lolita look comes from Victorian times--playing off of aristocrat's clothing as well as children clothing of the time--and the Rococo period. I LOVE Victorian clothes. I love lace, and frill, and bows. If I had discovered this in high school? I would have done it the whole time and just asked my mom to sew me beautiful dresses :)

What I Don't Like:
1) I hate that a lot of Lolitas (apparently) judge others for not having name brand clothes.
2) I hate that name brand clothes are so expensive! This is a whole wardrobe (and lifestyle) change! It costs a LOT to get into. There are a few alternative shops I could try out, however.

Would I Do This:
Allright, so if I had money? You'd better believe I'd try it...it's only (I think) a little difficult for a few reasons (last list I SWEAR! lol)
1) It IS expensive and Teran would probably kill me for spending lots of money on a dress lol
2) You seem to really need a friend for this. Honestly, so many of the activities Lolitas do are things that just wouldn't be as fun alone (Tea Parties, picnics, museum, walks, sleep overs, etc.) But it all sounds like sooo much fun I wish I had a bff out here in CA to dress like this with me every day and just have fun with it. Not to mention it would be easier to face the outside world lol
3) It would be a little harder for me...especially hair-wise. There are very few African-American (or any sort of ethnic besides Asian) Lolitas...most are white or Asians. And none of them post a dang thing on YouTube or anywhere online. It would be hard to be a first, I think, cuz I would be obligated to somehow document it lol. And it would be hard to come up with hairstyles and makeup looks too. I could do it, just some work.

TOP SECRET INFO: I am probably going to get married in a Lolita outfit. I can act sexy any day of the year, but being a princess? Might as well try it out :) Besides, it will make GREAT pictures, I think. I'll post something about that at a later time--this is a long entry!

"Anyone can get dressed up and glamorous but it is how people dress in their days off that are the most intriguing." ~Alexander Wang

elizabeth

Sweet Lolita

Gothic Lolita

I can't remember the name but its the one that dresses in all black lol

Often the ones in all white and all black are bffs who do this for contrast :)

She's maybe Country Lolita or Sweet Lolita. Either way I love it :)

Same type as above is my best guess...

So these are a few pics, but there are some really cool videos on YouTube. You can't help but get excited with those girls over their beautiful dresses :)

The Year 2011

This year, according to my horoscope, is supposed to be my year. I am going to accomplish a lot. I have ideas of how I want things ot og, but the odds of that are slim to none. Things never tend to go the way I have planned, or even hoped. If I dare to dream, I  also dare to fail, but conversely I dare to succeed despite the past. Well, my big plan is belief. I need to get on that--I believe so many negative things that horribleness just flocks to me. I need to start believing in the greater good. I need to believe I can do something. That wonderful things will happen-- and that I'll enjoy everything from my life to my job. But heck, even knowing that secret I will probably slip up a lot. I wrote down my goals, I'll might post them up later. But seriously. This is my year. I swear it, I'll at least actively be trying even if I don't succeed.

"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."--George Bernard Shaw

<3
elizabeth

First Post of the Year

It is almost March, however I have not posted a single entry before this point. This is because this blog was started around six minutes ago. It was done very easily (maybe one minute or so) because since the internet knows all of my information, and therefore so does the government, it was provided free access to said information and I barely had to type anything at all. Pretty pathetic, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, I'm mostly writing this because when Jasmine did it, it looked like fun. Now it might be because I'm still tired from last night, but all of the sudden this is boring. Maybe I should wait to post an entry until I actually have something to say. Alright. I'm done.

"I'm a light sleeper, but a heavy dreamer."


lovelizabeth